So, another writing exercise I have done in the past was less specific in its prompts. The idea was just to make something that served as a good hook. That's what this is. Going through old stuff is exciting and horrifying. Some of it I read and am happy with, but the vast majority gets a cringe. The things I wish I had continued playing with are few and far between, but I guess it's something that they exist at all. My preferences over the years have definitely changed. I was all about fantasy settings back then and I am veering away from that a lot more these days.
I wish I had something with a genie in it so Amber wouldn't murder me.
"If I smell her on you again, I will kill her." Her voice was cold and
clear and even now he felt the urge to lose himself in it. He told
himself it was unnatural sorcery, a lie. A mirage. But once upon a
time he'd called it love. Whatever the truth, it was a hard spell to
break and he clung to hatred and those memories whose pain proved stronger
than her hold on his heart. She had taken everything from him. It was a
twisted thing that he should mourn losing her as well.
If you stopped believing in a lie, shouldn't its hold over you be severed?
"You
will track a woman down by the scent of her perfume alone?" He tried to
make the words bite, but he gained not even a sparing glance his way.
Just a gentle shrug of those slender shoulders, so artfully bared by the
fall of her robe.
"It is a sweet enough concoction. Perhaps I'll
find a dozen whores who favor it. Perhaps we will need to find a new
town when I am through. With new girls for you to condemn."
He told himself it was a bluff, but he did not go out the next night.
I'm going to pretend they are both djinn and he is secretly granting wishes to women.
ReplyDeleteThis immediately made me think of vampires, I don't even know why. But I liked it and I would read more.
It was intended to be vampire/hunter! :D So you got the right vibe.
ReplyDeleteI wrote it before Twilight and shit, though, so now I am hesitant to touch vamps.
Ugh, yeah. It was meant to be more complicated than that. This is one I actually did expand on through the years, but I am not sure how comfy I am posting more.
ReplyDeleteBut it was more about guilt and jealousy, and just love turned into something dark. She does something unforgivable, he spends years punishing her for it. Keeping him around is a way of punishing herself and because neither can quite let go. This snippet has her just being cold and him being angry but helpless, though.
I am torn between loving the idea and hating the cliche of it. I don't know!
I love the way it's just a little snapshot being presented but still manages to tell a story. You don't really need to know who these people are or their story up to this point, because it takes universal concepts like fear, infidelity, hatred, lust, and revenge and lets them tell you everything you what you need to know. It lays the groundwork and your brain does the rest.
ReplyDeleteI guess my one critique is questionably valid, simply because there's no setting, so it could be totally appropriate in like a fantasy world or an older time period, but I found the language to be slightly baroque. However, in your comments you said it was a vampire hunter story, so the dramatic flair would be right at home there.
This was an awesome little story and I'm continually jealous of your writing.
No one asked you, Jay.
ReplyDeletejk, jk
It's always nice when the people whose writing you are jealous of say they are jealous of yours.
The language choice was actually really intentional. I deleted and then ctrl+z'd that perfume line about a dozen times before deciding to let it stay put. I meant for it to kind of set that sort of allude to all the world-building I straight up didn't do, but I get how awkward it can feel in a stand-alone like this. I am still not sure of my choice, but whatever.